While this blog can be a bit all over the place, I do try to write mostly about topics where I am not the primary focus of attention. I hope to draw you in with the way I express ideas through my writing style, not through personal stories about my life. However, something happened to me yesterday that was just too ridiculous not to share.
The Accident
It all started because I had some clothes in the dryer that needed drying. I began to approach the dryer from the other side of my apartment while simultaneously checking the latest news on my phone.
While the rest of this experience is burned vividly into my brain, what happened next is all a blur to me. Somehow, before starting the dryer or putting my phone away, I bobbled my phone. And despite spending a large portion of my youth catching baseballs approaching speeds of 90 mph, I dropped it. Unfortunately, my baseball fundamentals decided to kick in at that very moment. Just like coach taught, I kept that bad boy in front of me. It bounced off my hand, into the wall, and slid down behind my washing machine.
I quickly donned my headlamp and grabbed my magnetic flashlight. As I peered over the top of the machine I could see my phone leaning up against the wall behind it. Then I stuck the flashlight to the back of the washer because I knew I would need lots of light for what would come next.
At this point, I was still optimistic. A little irritated perhaps, but this seemed like it would be a minor inconvenience at most. As you probably have already guessed, I was dead wrong.
The Retrieval
Naturally, my first approach was to reach behind the washer with my hand and just grab the phone. Unfortunately, my arm wouldn’t even reach half way down the side, even with me laying on top of the machine and reaching over the back. In addition to that, the washer and the dryer are nestled into an alcove, making maneuvering around the side impossible.
At this point I had a choice to make. One option was to start moving the machines out of the way. There were a few problems with that approach. These machines are old, heavy, and wedged into that alcove pretty tightly. While I was able to slide the washer forward slightly, moving it enough to reach the phone was another matter entirely. I’m sure it was possible to shuffle these beasts around, but it seemed like a lot of time consuming hard work. I wasn’t too keen on it given that I was all by myself and I have to be a little extra cautious with my bad knee right now. I also didn’t want to risk unhooking any of the pipes.
Option two was to come up with a clever solution to my problem. This seemed like less work. Admittedly, it also seemed like more fun, so that might have influenced my decision making process. I will let you judge if I made the right call.
Idea #1: Slip Knot
My first approach was to fashion together a slip knot with some cordage I had lying around. See the demonstration below:
After following an online tutorial on how to do this, I carefully lowered my slip knot over the back of the washer to my helpless phone languishing in the depths below. It took me awhile to get the cord lined up with my phone because of the labyrinth of pipes and tubes I had to work around. When I finally got the loop up against the edge of the phone I realized I just didn’t have enough leverage to put it exactly where I wanted it. Any time I tried to pull the knot tight the loop popped off the end of the phone. The loop needed to be placed closer to the middle of the phone. What I really needed was another tool to lift the edge of the phone slightly off the ground.
Idea #2: Slip Knot + Tape Measure
A tape measure seemed like the best tool available to me. It had all the properties I was looking for. It was sturdy, yet flexible enough to work in a confined space, and also had the little metal protrusion at the end which I could wedge underneath my phone. The idea seemed promising in theory. In practice, however, it was less than ideal. I was able to lift up the phone with the end of the tape measure, but I didn’t account for the increased difficulty in lining up the slip knot with one hand while using the other to keep the tape measure steady. Perhaps having another person to help would have made this plan succeed, but with that option off the table, I decided to move on to the next idea.
Idea #3: Slip Knot + Tape Measure + Duct Tape
Ahhh duct tape. The ideal solution for nothing, but an adequate solution for everything. Surely this potent combination would lead me to the promised land, right? My plan this time was to tape the end of the slip knot to the end of the tape measure like shown in the picture below. This would eliminate my problem of trying to line up both tools with separate hands. Unfortunately, adding the duct tape was a double edged sword. Now the dulled edge of the tape measure couldn’t get underneath the phone anymore.
Admittedly, I was a bit frustrated at this point. In hindsight I could have tried taping the loop in a way so that the metal protrusion of the tape measure was still exposed. I didn’t think of that though. Instead I moved on to my next idea.
Idea #4: Golf Putter + Card Board + Duct Tape + Slip Knot
The tape measure was out. Those things are already annoying when you use them properly, and I had had enough of its stubborn floppiness. It was time to bring out the big guns.
I grabbed my golf putter, a piece of card board, and some duct tape. Then I went to work. I used the piece of card board and duct tape to create a small platform underneath the head of the putter. Then I put some more duct tape on the bottom of this platform, with the sticky side exposed. The end result was a giant stamp that would hopefully stick to my phone.
It took some deft maneuvering to get the putter all the way to my phone. It was definitely less nimble than the measuring tape when navigating through the pipes, and I paid the price for it. On the way down, I accidentally knocked off the flashlight which I had stuck to the back of the washer. Now I had two items to retrieve. Sitting there awkwardly on top of the washer, I started to question if I had made a grave mistake.
Nevertheless, I persisted.
The putter head was right next to the phone, and I began to experiment. I pressed the duct tape to the surface of the phone, and lifted up. To my great delight, it worked! The duct tape could only maintain its grip on the phone for a moment before letting it drop to the ground, but that was a much better result than I was getting with the tape measure. Time to bring back the slip knot. I carefully lowered it to the ground once again. Working these two tools in tandem I was able to lift the phone and tighten the knot around it. It was only a matter of time now.
Using all the concentration I had, I carefully moved the precariously positioned phone up against the side of the dryer, slid the putter and knot up the wall in unison, and snatched my phone back before it could drop again!
There was much rejoicing (By me, that is. Unfortunately there was no witness for my moment of glory). The flashlight followed soon after using a similar technique, but it was much easier because I was able to use the flashlight’s magnet to stick it back on the dryer again.
Conclusion
I try to wrap up my posts with tidy endings, but I have to admit, I’m having a really hard time coming up with any sort of moral to this story. So I’ll just leave you with a quote from the late great Arnold Palmer that, oddly enough, seems to fit the situation. Although I think he meant it in a different way than I do.
“Putting is like wisdom – partly a natural gift and partly the accumulation of experience.”
Arnold Palmer
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